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You Can't Do That

Sports • Comedy • Society-and-culture

A podcast about hockey from three women who have more opinions than information and LOTS of feelings about the Washington Capitals. These enthusiastically self-righteous idiots aren't here to win - they're here to make friends! (And talk about which hockey players are cats and which are dogs.) JoinRead more

Popular episodes

#132: Kid Rock's Little Caesars Emporium

Nov 25 • 01:22:25

"Metro-spreading. Ew." Honk yr car's little gay horn: We're heading to Connor McDavid's McMansion of Sorrows for this Thanksgiving feast. Kelly, Rave, and Eva's list of conversation topics to avoid dinner table awkwardness includes an update from Kuzy's revenge tour; losing to the Kraken as praxis; Canucks-flavored despair; and the trauma of your parents refusing to get yo...

#131: On The Verge Of Tasteless

Nov 19 • 01:14:54

"Two stubborn white wrong guys." The holidays came early to YCDT: Eva's back in the U.S., Goop's back with another absurd gift guide, and the Caps beat the Penguins 6-1 in front of god and everyone. Thanks, Santa. Also on the docket: a formal apology, the glitch in Connor McDavid's matrix, and a solution for our sad Canucklings. This episode was recorded on November 15, 20...

#130: Kinda Fun! Also Grim

Nov 11 • 01:06:17

"They are their own MLM." Eva, Kelly, and Rave explore a real grab bag of concepts this week, including the Golden Knights' commitment to the bitchy blushy bit, the parameters of "drip," multi-level marketing schemes, the King Solomon-ing of a gifted hockey baby, Morgan Rielly’s dedication to Toronto, and a frankly brilliant plot to replace one suffering NHL team with anot...

#129: Enemy (American)

Nov 4 • 01:03:42

"It's like undead Grink." Eva is week-to-week with an upper body injury (broken internet in France), but we save a seat for her at Rave and Kelly's date night dinner table as they sort our new Caps babies into bins, assess the results of Hockeyween across our favorite teams, play a rapid-fire quiz game built for two. This episode was recorded on November 2, 2021.

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#128: tHe MiAsMa oF HoRRoR

Oct 28 • 01:15:23

"We found a SNAKE and it's MAD." Feel that vaguely threatening vibe in the air? It's the personification of spooky season! And its howling at the moon as it crawls on its bony hands and knees toward Halloween, leaving behind it a week of unexpectedly delightful hockey and predictably frustrating off-ice developments. Eva joins Rave and Kelly from France to chat about the t...

#127: Mise En Trash

Oct 19 • 01:05:02

"Head Head and Bone Bone." We're off to the races, a phrase which here means "Not yet disappointed by our teams or players and fully enjoying the NHL season so far." Knock wood for us, gang. Up for discussion by Eva, Rave, and Kelly: knuckle tattoos, lil Lappy, gremlin feedback, pop-art microblading, kissing expertise, '80s news program chyrons, and more. This episode was ...

#126: Tkachuksa Nostra

Oct 12 • 01:01:29

"He's rhythm guitar passing, for sure." Kelly, Eva, and Rave are ready to be hated if that's what the plot requires! Well, ready for the Washington Capitals to be hated, anyway. Come on down as we re-orient ourselves to a new NHL season in which the Tkachucks are wannabe mobsters, Jake Voracek is Trojan Horse-ing the Blue Jackets, and Erik Johnson's garage is the default p...

#125: The Elephant Vacuum

Sep 14 • 01:01:29

"I'm uptight but I got a foible." The Capitals are converging back in Washington and Rave, Eva, and Kelly are converging back on the mics, and we’re all basically loitering in the school gymnasium before the Welcome Back assembly, gossiping about who transferred schools and which of the new guys seems cool. C’mere, we saved you a seat. This episode was recorded on Septembe...

#124: Assigned Meat At Birth

Aug 3 • 01:20:17

“We teach Genos to shrink themselves.” While the pod is away, the NHL will lose every last one of its marbles, apparently. Eva, Kelly, and Rave are back to weigh in on the Stanley Cup Final, a silly expansion draft and even sillier trade season, and much, much more. This episode was recorded on August 1, 2021.

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#123: Load-Bearing Paper Dolls

Jun 15 • 01:20:17

"It's the yikening." Like Nate MacKinnon in a press conference, we're trapped in the semifinals with four teams we don't super love, and as a result our pod energy is fomenting a "School's out for the summer" vibe that leads in this episode to discussions of whales, potato salad, bucket hats, crypto, and dog bosses. This episode was recorded on June 13, 2021.

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